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Coolest War Names Award Presented
By Cletus - Mon, Apr 14, 2003

Brett Baier, Winner

Brett Baier, Winner

New York, NY (AP) - With the war still raging in Iraq, the Committee for Cool War Names (CCWN) has nominated and picked their winners for the Coolest name of the 2nd US/Iraqi War.

Wolf Blitzer, winner of the Committee's first award in "Operation Desert Storm", the first US/Iraqi war, was the keynote speaker and presenter of the prestigious award.

Finalists included General Tommy "Gun" Franks even though his official nickname of "Tommy Gun" never caught on in higher circles or media. He was given kudos points for still using the childish name of "Tommy" instead of opting for the more manly Tom or Thomas. The general (no pun intended) consensus among war junkies was that he used his childhood nickname to install a lull of confusion among the Iraqi Officials about some kid named Tommy commanding the army.

Other finalists include:

  • FoxNews' Brit Hume - nominated for the name's ease of speech.
  • FoxNews' Major Garrett - for the already cool war name.
  • ABCNews' Richard Engel - for the ability to just call him Dick.
  • CBSNews' Dick Meye - same reason.
  • FoxNews' Brian Wilson - obviously because of the musical genius and subsequent future pairing of him and the Bare Naked Ladies song.
  • FoxNews' Jennifer Eccleston - just because she's a total babe. She was later disqualified after already having received the "Scud Stud" and "Miss Shock and Awe 2003" awards.

    In the end, FoxNews national security Pentagon Correspondent Brett Baier won the prestigious CCWN award. Committee members cited the way it flowed off the end of your tongue, the double BB initials, and the marketability of plush "Brett Teddy Baiers". Baier previously worked in Raleigh NC (CBS), Rockford IL (NBC), Beaufort SC, and at CNN.


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    O L D E R

    Sears Protested, Boycotted After Deaths

    older stories

    Chicago, IL (Reuters) - After the Associated Press released a misspelled Headline stating "SEARS Responsible For 100 Deaths", virtually every Sears in America and even some in foreign countries were boycotted and picketed within 24 hours.

    N E W E R

    Vigil Honors War Heroes, Dixie Chicks

    newer stories

    Washington DC (Reuters) - Earlier today, a crowd of over 500,000 gathered at the mall in Washington DC to honor war victims, war heroes and their families. Celebrities and politicians made speeches, shook hands and doled out numerous autographs.

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